Page22 - Tailpiece: Modern day non-sense

Firefighters in Bedfordshire can no longer take down their town's bunting using ladders. They can still use ladders for fighting fires but are required to use a hydraulic platform to remove the bunting. 
A health and safety ruling!

Councils may have to ban Christmas street lighting because of health and safety regulations. Here again ladders to put them up and take them down are considered unsafe and expensive hydraulic platforms would have to be used instead. 
Safety at any (taxpayers) cost.

The Red Arrows have been banned from appearing at the 2012 London Olympics since they are deemed 'too British'. The Department for Culture, Media and Sport has decided this could be offensive to other competing nations. 
Will they ban the waving of Union Jacks?

Staff in a supermarket in the Wirral refused to sell wine to a 71 year old because he had no proof that he was over 18. 
Maybe he should be flattered that he looked so young.

A market trader was banned from selling kiwi fruit because they were 1mm smaller than EU rules. He wasn't even allowed to give them away.
Wonder what the job description was for the person who did the measuring.

A primary school decided to drop the three-legged and sack races on safety grounds. They decided on hopping and running instead since there would be less chance of falling over. 
Wonder if a child ever fell over hopping or running?

Over 126 years after his death Charles Darwin has received a personal apology from the Church of England for opposing his theory of evolution.
Suppose that in itself is an example of evolution.

Lecturers have been advised to avoid 'sensitive' words like: Chinese whispers deemed to have racist connotations; Immigration - because of its association with immigration legislation; Seminal and Old Masters - both judged sexist.

A boy of 10 was not allowed work as a cleaner because he was considered too young to use a hoover, washing up liquid or hot water without health and safety clearance. 
Gave him a good excuse at home no doubt.

Some local councils have ordered their staff to stop using Latin phrases when communicating with the public. The list includes: etc.. eg, pro-rata, ad lib, per se, status quo, prima facie, vice versa and cven via. They claim not everyone knows Latin. Or know; it would seem, how the English language has been hugely enriched by Latin.

Words associated with Christianity, British history and rural life have been culled from the Oxford Junior Dictionary. Words lost include altar, parish, empire, acom, starling and mistletoe. It is claimed the changes reflect a more urban, technological and multicultural society.
Multicultural? as long as it isn't British?

A father of four was fined £225 after leaving his wheelie bin ajar by 4". He received a fixed penalty of £110 for filling the bin so full that the lid didn't quite close. A further £115 was added when he refused to pay up. 
What rubbish!

The Police Federation claimed officers arehaving to make 'ludicrous' arrests in order to meet Home Office targets. One officer cautioned a man for being found in possession of an egg with intent to throw, another arrested a child who threw a slice of cucumber at a class mate and little girls charged with criminal damage for drawing on a pavement with chalk. 
Beware, your walking stick might be regarded as an offensive weapon.

A 72 year old lady was forbidden from tending a flowerbed until she complied with health and safety regulations which entailed wearing a fluorescent jacket, employ a look-out and put up three warning signs. She responded 'they can send me to jail. l just want to be left alone to do it'.
They overlooked wearing gloves for protection against stinging nettles.

Fay Caplin